Wednesday, November 10, 2021

My Nephew's Joy

In November 2021, a jury found the individual who killed my nephew guilty of first degree murder. At the sentencing hearing, our family was permitted to deliver victim impact statements to the court. Below is my statement, with some enhancements added here:


Twenty three years ago, I lost my father after a long illness and under gut-wrenching circumstances. For two decades, that was easily the biggest loss I had ever experienced. That loss pales in comparison to losing my nephew, Carlos Alfonso, Jr., who was like a son to me. The many things we did together, from camping to riding bike or going on adventures, even if those adventures were just taking a walk around the neighborhood, are among the most cherished memories of my entire life. Those memories now live alone in my mind because the person I shared them with was violently ripped away from me. It's really difficult to find any solace in a loss like this. 

But there is a glimmer. Although a sick individual, full of jealousy and rage, dragged our family into the depths of his hellishly dark psyche, we can still see a twinkle of light. As we move closer to the light and the light grows, we see the bright sun shining down on a wide open field. That scene is the last image that crossed my nephew's mind right before his life was prematurely snuffed out. We can imagine a smile spreading across his face as he thought about doing one of the things he loved the most: hunting. Carlos Alfonso, Jr.'s last thought was one of joy. And while Carlos's murderer, consumed by his own demonic forces, was able to take my nephew's life, he was never able to take my nephew's joy.

Thursday, July 22, 2021

When Happily Ever After Is Thrown to the Lions

Who is the most powerful person in the world? Many people might say the president of the United States. After all, he has the most advanced military at his command. Some people would probably suggest that Jeff Bezos or Bill Gates, because of their vast wealth, wield unparalleled power. Still others could go with someone like the pope or Dalai Lama because of their spiritual influence over millions of believers. But despite all their political, financial, or religious power, none of these individuals can match the power that the child of a single mother has!

There's a popular belief among men that states you should never date a single mother. While some of this might stem from pure male ego ("I will only raise a product of my own sperm!"), a deeper look reveals an undeniable wisdom behind the credence that single mothers should be avoided at all costs.

Certainly, there's something noble about a man who steps in to help raise a child that is not the fruit of his loins, especially if the genetic father is just a plain bad dad. The stability of a two-parent household (even if the father is not biological) can contribute to a healthier child that grows into a well-adjusted adult. Of course, this is all totally irrelevant if the woman is not a caring mother. A child of a single mother has little to no power if the mother puts her man ahead of the child, which does occur on occasion.

However, when the single woman is a relatively normal, nurturing mother, the child's power rivals that of the Caesar in ancient Rome, who held the lives of multitudes literally on his thumb! With a virtual thumbs down from the child of a single mother, an otherwise wonderful, loving relationship between a man and a woman can suffer the same fate as the gladiators in the Colosseum forced to face packs of ferocious animals. 

It doesn't matter if the man asks the child's permission to date her mother, similar to how the guy in that cute TV commercial asks his girlfriend's son for permission to marry her. It doesn't matter if the man bends over backwards to earn the acceptance and approval of the child for the sake of preserving what is an otherwise deeply harmonious relationship with the mother. All it takes is a metaphorical flick of the wrist by the child to turn her thumb in the wrong direction, purely by whim with no rhyme or reason, for a beautiful relationship to be doomed. Even the president of the United States has a more elaborate process by which he can deploy the military than what the child of a single mother has to do to destroy a relationship that is going well by all other accounts.

And what's a man to do then? He faces a serious dilemma. If he is considering a more formal future with the single mother (like cohabitation, or even marriage), he doesn't have to be psychic to see big trouble down the road from a disapproving child. Home life could quickly turn into a living hell. At that point, with the potential progression of the relationship thrown into disarray by the child, it's natural that the man would begin to question everything about his relationship with the mother: Are they still making love and building intimacy, or are they just glorified fuck buddies? Are they sharing special memories when they go on vacation, or are they just enhanced travel pals? Is their relationship growing stronger as time goes on, or are they just going through the motions in a stagnant cycle?

When the child understands this power, and she combines it with emotional blackmail (for example, the explicit or implied threat that she might hurt herself if she doesn't get her way), no amount of love or connection between a man and a single mother can survive. The child's selfishness and manipulation, like hungry lions let loose on the gladiators in those ancient arenas, tear the relationship apart. Of course, the single mother can call the child's bluff, and the child's power would dissipate as fast as the helium inside a popped balloon, but that is a risk most caring parents are not willing to take.

Inevitably and eventually, the relationship ends under this kind of strain. That doesn't mean the single mother is cursed to never find love, though. If the child deems a future man worthy of her approval, that guy gets to enjoy the type of relationship the previous guy missed. With just a flick of the wrist in the other direction, the child's all-powerful thumb determines the fortune of love. Alternatively, if the child grows into adulthood and moves on to using her powers of emotional blackmail and manipulation in her own romantic relationships rather than her mother's, that can also free up the mother to pursue love once again with no encumbrances. There's even a third scenario where the child gets the counseling and guidance she needs to shed her demons... and they all live happily ever after!

Monday, June 7, 2021

Teaching During the COVID-19 Pandemic

When a bomb goes off, many of the people in the immediate vicinity of the explosion often get killed instantly or die from their injuries shortly thereafter. Some people may get hit with shrapnel or falling debris and suffer life-threatening injuries, even if they ultimately survive. Others may suffer minor injuries that are not life-threatening. Still others manage to escape the explosion completely unscathed. Even a lucky few benefit, in a way, from the destructive event. For example, think of the construction firms and the workers they hire to rebuild what the bomb destroyed as just one example of those who find fortune in the aftermath of mayhem. Ultimately, these effects of the explosion are all felt long after the initial blast.

The COVID-19 pandemic has been like a series of bombs detonating all over the world at different times and in different degrees of intensity. Like an explosion, a COVID-19 outbreak kills many people. And just like an explosion may leave many victims with serious long-term injuries, COVID-19 has claimed its share of “long haulers,” or people who still have symptoms months after being ill. The comparison between bombs and the pandemic doesn’t end with how people suffer, though, because just like bombs may directly or indirectly benefit some, COVID-19 has also greatly rewarded businesses and individuals uniquely positioned to take advantage of the situation. It’s a well-known fact that companies like Amazon saw a massive increase in sales as people staying home relied more on the delivery of products, leading Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos to see his already considerable wealth increase by tens of billions of dollars, even while many millions lost their jobs through no fault of their own. And just like how the repercussions of an explosion are felt long after the dust settles and the smoke clears, we will very likely be living with the fallout of the COVID-19 pandemic, both in terms of public health and the economy, for many years to come.

Due to the nature of how the COVID-19 virus spreads, the basic guidelines for preventing infection include wearing masks, social distancing, and frequent handwashing. Although plenty of people taking these precautions have still gotten infected, many of the people consistently adhering to these guidelines have managed to dodge the COVID-19 bullet, including me. Throughout this pandemic, I have avoided crowds as much as possible, worn a mask almost every time I’m out of my apartment, and washed my hands almost to the point of obsession. Of course, these personal safety measures have gone a long way to keep me safe. However, I cannot overlook the fact that a big reason I have managed to steer clear of infection is because of what I do for a living. As a teacher, I am blessed to have a career with a professional organization aggressively advocating on my behalf at the national, state, and local level. Thanks in part to the efforts of the United Teachers of Dade (UTD), our local teachers’ union, schools in my district closed completely in March 2020 and reopened only after the union was able to secure significant safety concessions, including offering parents the option to keep their children at home with online learning and strict masking, sanitization, and social distancing protocols for in-person learning, including broad guidelines for quarantining any students and staff who are exposed to the virus. Together with these important safety measures, we suffered no layoffs or interruption in pay. In fact, amid all the chaos surrounding the pandemic and school closures, UTD negotiated pay raises for members of the bargaining unit.

So, when determining how COVID-19 has impacted my profession, it becomes clear that it’s also important to acknowledge how my profession has impacted COVID-19. Because without our union pushing for school closures and the implementation of strict public health and safety measures upon reopening, it is very possible that the pandemic’s impact would have been far worse than it already is, since the proximity that comes with in-person learning could fuel what would essentially be thousands of daily super-spreader events occurring simultaneously across the school district.

Nevertheless, COVID-19 is having a profound effect on my career as a teacher. We had to rethink and reinvent instructional delivery on the fly when schools closed last year. This school year, we’ve had to navigate the challenges of teaching both in-person and online students while observing COVID-19 protocols at the school site. And as we reach the end of the school year, we begin looking out toward a hopeful but ultimately uncertain future as we anticipate the return to full in-person learning this fall. That is where we’re at right now: still recovering, and in some cases still suffering, from the havoc wrought upon our lives by the pandemic, all while keeping an eye toward a future where things may be a little better in certain instances, a little worse in others, but definitely very different overall.

Probably the area in which the COVID-19 pandemic had its greatest impact on my career is in terms of self-care. Sure, self-care often pertains to out-of-the-worksite activities, such as exercising and getting a good night’s sleep. And there was certainly no shortage of ways in which my increased self-care manifested in areas that had little or nothing to do with work. With many restaurants closed or offering limited service, I naturally gravitated toward cooking healthier food and eating at home rather than ordering delivery. As a result, my cooking skills improved considerably. On top of that, I also started doing things like baking my own bread and starting a small fruit, vegetable, and herb garden in my apartment balcony. Being cooped up all day long cooking and watering my plants, though, was not an option if I was to take self-care seriously. So, I made sure to include lots of bike riding as an opportunity to get much-needed exercise and fresh air.

Perhaps most importantly when it comes to self-care, the COVID-19 pandemic taught me to appreciate every moment, because life is fragile and way too short. This idea stretches beyond my personal life into my approach to teaching and how COVID-19 has impacted my career. Now I find that, while I still have the same high expectations I’ve always had with my students, I also emphasize empathy. This is crucial because, to return to the earlier COVID-19 bomb analogy, we don’t know which of our students or their close family members have been caught at or near the proverbial ground zero. Also, while I learned early on in my teaching career not to take things personally, the COVID-19 pandemic has given that idea a booster shot. These are all parts of a holistic approach to self-care. Because while eating healthy and exercising offer self-care for the body, gratitude, empathy, and grace are self-care for the mind and spirit.

The idea of self-care created a solid foundation over which I could build a whole new approach to teaching. And while we may be looking to a return to normal soon, some of these new teaching practices I’ve adopted during the pandemic are likely to become a permanent part of my teaching repertoire. The first of these is the use of digital resources. I was not a stranger to having students turn in work digitally before the pandemic. I have used tools like Edmodo for years, and my students would see an online quiz from time to time in my class long before COVID-19 was around. But school closures and fully online learning forced us to forego physical resources almost entirely. Gone completely, albeit temporarily, were printed packets and reading passages. However, even as we prepare for full in-person learning next school year, I intend to keep using many of the digital resources I came to rely on during the pandemic. Not only is it easier to compile and analyze student data when they turn in an assignment online, using digital resources also literally saves trees, since we end up using a lot less paper. Assigning things online also facilitates both remediation and enrichment, so I can better help the students who are struggling and more effectively challenge those who are advanced.

One clear way that COVID-19 has impacted my career is by amplifying the limitations that are a natural part of teaching. Dealing with insufficiently motivated students is one of the constants of the teaching profession. Often, these students lack parental support, but realistically it can be a myriad of factors that contribute to a student struggling with school. As teachers, we are always grappling with engaging unmotivated students, challenging advanced students, and helping students who may not necessarily have a motivation problem but could be struggling with any number of issues or situations that require an individualized approach to help them reach their full academic potential. This is all par for the course in the challenges a teacher faces from one school year to the next. But COVID-19 has thrown a veritable monkey wrench into this already challenging aspect of our profession. Because on top of the obstacles we normally face throughout the day-to-day tasks of our job, COVID-19 has forced us to reinvent what we do as we attempt to teach diverse learners via Zoom while they are at home, often with all kinds of distractions and sometimes even unhealthy home environments. Of course, there is also the digital divide that exists in some communities, where the students who often need the most help have unreliable Internet service or devices that don’t work properly, if they have a device at all. There are many students who have simply stopped attending Zoom class sessions altogether.

That doesn’t mean the teaching challenges augmented by the COVID-19 pandemic are limited to online learning. In-person learning has also changed. Because there are many students learning from home, and due to minimum social distance requirements district-wide, classrooms are usually not as full as they were pre-pandemic. And the students who are there are wearing masks while they all sit facing the same direction. Cooperative groups where students can collaborate closely together are not practical for safety reasons during the pandemic. Activities where the students can take turns writing on the whiteboard, while not prohibited outright, are virtually impossible since it’s not safe for students to be sharing materials like whiteboard markers. A vocabulary game I used to do that the students thoroughly enjoyed has been indefinitely suspended due to the pandemic because it required students to take turns at the smartboard and would thereby expose them to touching the same surface.

As if all these challenges weren’t enough, we’ve also had to endure frequent disruptions caused by students, teachers, and staff having to quarantine due to testing positive for the COVID-19 virus or being significantly exposed to someone who is infected. I lost count of the times an administrator got on the PA and called down entire classes worth of students to be sent home. The friendly morning and afternoon greetings or the chats with our colleagues between class periods in the hallway were muted as teachers were also sent home. Some teachers I haven’t seen this school year at all, except on camera in our Zoom faculty or UTD unit meetings, because they received ADA accommodations to teach from home full-time. While I don’t criticize these measures that have been implemented to keep us safe, there is no denying that school morale has been negatively impacted.

Another one of the most direct ways COVID-19 has impacted my career revolves around my daily routine. First and foremost, when I arrive at my worksite, I wear masks. For a while, I was wearing two masks plus a face shield. I’ve stopped wearing the face shield, but I still wear a double mask. Once I get to the classroom, my disinfecting and ventilating ritual begins. With a disinfecting wipe in my hand, I open all the windows. I place a small oscillating fan on the windowsill behind my desk and plug in an air purifier at a nearby outlet. I wipe down the phone, desk, keyboard, mouse, monitor buttons, desk drawer handles, doorknobs, and whiteboard markers. Finally, I walk around the entire class spraying disinfectant. Once I do all of this, I feel safe enough to remove my masks while inside my classroom. I get to enjoy at least a few minutes of unrestricted breathing before putting the masks back on when the students arrive. But it’s not just my interaction with my environment that has been impacted by COVID-19 because my interactions with students and colleagues is also different, as alluded to before. Sometimes I don’t see certain colleagues or students for several days because they are under quarantine. Or I may not see any of them at all, at least not in person, when I’ve been placed under quarantine myself. And when I do see them, of course we’re all wearing masks, and we keep our distance. Any physical greeting at all is usually limited to the now ubiquitous elbow bump. Some of the teachers that I would see only at faculty meetings because they work in a different part of the campus, I have not seen in person at all this school year because our faculty meetings are now on Zoom.

Most of these changes and adjustments have been highly disruptive. But one unexpected development related to the impact of COVID-19 on my career involves my own sense of job security. My first year as a full-time teacher was when the annual contract law went into effect. That made my first few years teaching a harrowing experience full of uncertainty and insecurity. While I have since settled into my current teaching assignment at my present worksite, rapid advances in technology, especially in the educational field, have often made me wonder if it’s only a matter of time before teachers themselves are deemed “obsolete.” However, COVID-19 changed that. If nothing else, this pandemic has made it clear that the teaching profession is not going anywhere, as many families across the country confirmed how important the face-to-face interaction students have with their teachers and peers is for not only the academic progress, but also the healthy social and emotional development of children. The COVID-19 pandemic made many people realize, some for the first time ever incredibly enough, that there is no substitute for in-person learning under the guidance of a highly qualified teacher. So, I now feel much more at ease in my career, not just because I was one of the very blessed and lucky people who was able to retain employment throughout the pandemic, but because I realize I’m not about to lose my job to a computer. If nothing else, with all the people pushing to reopen the economy and get everybody back to work, I realized how important my job is, even if some misguided folks see teachers as not much more than “just a glorified babysitter.”  

The impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on the entire world is severe and ongoing. Millions have died, and many millions more have gotten seriously ill. To bring back the earlier analogy about bombs, the COVID-19 explosions are still happening, even if they are decreasing in frequency and intensity in some parts thanks to aggressive vaccination efforts. With such a pervasively destructive event that has made such a negative impact on so many lives, it can be difficult to even acknowledge that anything positive can come of this. However, very often the best way to move forward is to get through all the hardships and pain that come with the adversity and uncertainty of loss. Only then can we begin to find the glimmer of a better tomorrow sparkling in the distant horizon. That’s how I see the impact COVID-19 has had on me, and especially on my career. I’ve lost family members and endured personal challenges. My job as a teacher has taken on a whole new dimension as we strive to meet the challenge of teaching our students under circumstances that are far from ideal. But through it all, I get to keep the things that have made me a better teacher, and that’s how the adversity of this pandemic can be turned into a victory for the leaders of tomorrow.